Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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