So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Your cock deserves a montage
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
