my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
