I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize