Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
