I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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