Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
