I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
