Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
