Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
