Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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