The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
