he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
