are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
