The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
