Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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