Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
