I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
