also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
