I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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