I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
