My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
