you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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