why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
