he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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