I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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