Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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