i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
please don't ironically join a cult
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