JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
