Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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