I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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