Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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