JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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