so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is my gift to your gina
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
