6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize