Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
