i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
