I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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