yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
