its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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