I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
