So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please, let me fuck your mom
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
