Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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