Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
