I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
