just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I can't put those talents on a resume
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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