You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
