I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
