She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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