But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
