dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
