Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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