WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
