Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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