She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
