Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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