Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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