so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
