so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
