I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
