Can i not drive my cunt home
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
