had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
