i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
