Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
