My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
