I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
