Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
