Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My ass is underappreciated
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
