It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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