The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm at about main and main street
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
