did you get engaged???
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
