Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
