Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
