I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize