People in love make me want to vomit
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
