so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
