Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
