That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
