I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
