my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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